Never Been Kissed
by Lynx and Banner
Summary: Enter Darcy Lewis: care-taker to an overbearing, formerly evil, used-to-be-god; sarcasm expert; and all-around romantic. Post-Avengers! Two-shot. T for Darcy's language
1. Never Been Kissed

When Thor returned his brother to Asgard, he expected Loki to get a severe punishment. Instead of some type of extended torture, Loki was banished to Midgard without any of his powers for an indefinite amount of time.

Needless to say, Thor disagreed with this decision. He fought with Odin for hours, but still it did no good. No matter what he said, Odin would not agree. Thor's father said that Loki was an arrogant, foolish man that needed to be taught a lesson in humility. He would not allow that lesson to be taught on Asgard. So, Thor settled for the best he could do. After pulling quite a few strings (and using Frigga to outsmart Odin), he was able to make suitable arrangements for Loki on Earth.

On Midgard, he sought out Jane Foster and Darcy Lewis. He had a joyous reunion with Jane, who had continued to search for him. After allowing himself the luxury of an hour in her company, he asked her a favor. While he understood the gravity of the situation he would be putting Jane Foster in, he also understood how hard it would be for his brother to survive without his powers. He had to do this, for Loki.

"My brother is not a terrible man. He is misunderstood and often uncredited. It has made him bitter and jealous. My father does not understand this as I do. The Allfather cannot see how at fault I am in this. If only I would have noticed Loki's pain before, or saw how bitter with envy he was... Please, Jane, I would not ask if I did not have to. But I would be forever in your debt if you could keep Loki here with you."

"Thor... Believe me when I say I would, if only I could. I'm not always here; S.H.I.E.L.D. keeps me very busy. If anything, Darcy's usually here, but..."

"Glorious!" His deep exclamation interrupted her words. "Darcy Lewis would be a fine caretaker for Loki."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea..."

The look her gave her changed her mind. She couldn't say no to him, especially when it was clear how much his brother still meant to him. Jane sighed, knowing Darcy would kill her for this. But she had to. Thor needed her to do this, and who was she to deny him the right to help his (_murderous, dominating, war-inducing!_) brother? Reluctantly, she agreed.

"Thank you, Jane." And then he kissed her and she forgot all about Darcy throttling her for making this decision without her. When he pulled her away, the smile was still on his lips. It had also transferred to hers.

"Director Fury insisted on giving me your equivalent of currency. The Man of Iron said he would _put it away_ and gave me this card. He said this will produce the currency if I were ever to need it. Use this to take care of Loki."

That was the rest of their talk of Loki for the night.

**OoOoO**

"You said I would _what_?"

Jane knew Darcy would be angry. So she used her secret weapon. Pity. "Darcy, I am so sorry. I couldn't say no to Thor; it means a lot to him. He just wants Loki to be safe..."

"Like I care if he's _safe_! He tried to take over the damn world, Jane!"

"I know, but Thor still loves him."

"Thor's crazy."

"I talked Fury into giving you a raise, and you still work from home. All you have to do is go to Loki's apartment once a day, to check on him and bring him things... It isn't that bad of an arrangement. Thor pays for everything."

"I still can't do this! He's a murderer! Oh, god, he could kill me, Jane! And you're asking me to do this!"

"He can't kill you! His powers were taken away!"

"I once read a book where this girl admitted she could kill someone with an uncooked spaghetti noodle! I don't want to die a death by pasta!"

"Darcy, you're being unreasonable," Jane said sternly.

"You're being unreasonable if you expect me to accept this!"

"I already said you would! Don't make me a liar, Darcy."

"You made yourself a liar, Jane Foster."

"Please tell me you'll at least think about it?"

"Yeah, when I need something to make me laugh!" Darcy stormed out of Jane' room and into her own. Jane winced when she heard the door slam. Seconds later, _Blink 182_ could be heard blaring from behind said door. Jane sighed.

OoOoO

Two days later, Darcy approached Jane with a scowl.

"Thor better be paying for me a new album on iTunes. No, _two_! If I have to put up with a world-dominating loon I'm gonna need something to keep me sane. And I'll have my taser on me _at all times_."

"That's perfectly fine. Just please do this for me."

"You are so lucky I like you. Fury called and told me I had no choice in the matter."

Jane smiled gratefully. "I know. And I'm sorry for putting you in this position. But, really... Thank you, Darcy."

"Whatever. Let's go get some ice cream while we wait for Zeus and Hannibal. You're paying."

**OoOoO**

Thor had Loki settled into a fairly nice apartment in the same complex as Darcy, which wasn't far from Jane's new research center. He was on the floor above her. It was fully furnished, with cable and the likes. Some guy with weirder speaking habits than Thor placed spells on the place so that Loki could not leave without being accompanied by Darcy, Jane, or Thor.

After getting her two albums (Fall Out Boy's _Folie a Deux_ and Matchbox 20's _Exile on Mainstream_) and ice cream, Darcy accepted the job reluctantly. She set a list of rules (No harm shall come to Darcy; no harm shall come to Darcy's things; the taser is always at the ready; any rude comments will have retaliations) which she didn't really expect him to follow. Once a day, she would stop by and check on him. Slowly (mostly because he spent two months refusing), she taught him how to work the various machines and technologies that he was unfamiliar with. After that, she taught him to cook (which he was surprisingly good at). He read often, meaning that she made various trips to the library. Thor visited a lot as well, which Loki hated at first; while he didn't claim to enjoy his brother's visits once the awkwardness had vanished, he did not complain about them.

Most of the time, he didn't speak to her. In the beginning, if he spoke, it was rude and demeaning. Once she began teaching him things, he mainly asked questions or made comments. Six months into her new job, he occasionally made polite remarks or asked questions out of curiosity. When a year had passed, they held a decent conversation. Loki would accompany her grocery shopping, so he could choose for himself, and to the diner once in a while. His favorite place was the library, which he often drug her to and kept her there for hours. They went on a few other excursions once in a blue moon.

On one particular day, Darcy visited Loki twice. This was the first time it had ever happened, and he was very curious as to why she knocked, waited for an answer, and bolted past him to his living room.

"What do you think you're doing?" he demanded as she sat on her couch.

"Look, dude. My TV broke, and my laptop doesn't load videos well lately. If I had he time, I would totally drive to the research center. But I don't. So I'm jacking your TV for a bit." She rearranged herself, folding her bare legs (did mortals really wear pants that short? He had thought they were for "reality shows" only) beneath her and flipping to the right channel.

_"...and that's what you missed on Glee!_"

"Yes! Just in time. Alright, Loki, be quiet. I've been dying to see this episode. Its supposed to be Darren Criss's debut. And after AVPM, there is nothing I wouldn't watch with this man in it."

Loki ignored her, not really knowing what the crazed girl was speaking about. He sat on the couch beside her. Whatever this was, he was curious.

She shushed him during the first part of the episode, but quickly explained what _Glee _was during the first bout of commercials. He thought it sounded rather silly. Darcy was defensive; she claimed that it was the best. The best at what, he wasn't sure, but he watched anyway. After her explanation, he found the scenes dealing with Beiste or the teenage couples incredibly awkward. When the part came where Kurt (Darcy's "absolute favorite," because he's "so damn cute") goes to spy on the opposing team (finally, something interesting!), Darcy gave a squeal of delight. He jumped, looking at her oddly.

"What in the world was that?"

"This man," she gestured to the boy leading Kurt around by his hand, "is Darren Criss! Now shush." Whenever this "Darren Criss" man started singing, she swooned. "Ohmigosh, they're undressing each other with their eyes and this is going to lead to Chris on Criss sexy times..."

This earned her several odd looks from Loki. She didn't care. Kurt _needed _to be with this man.

Things were relatively normal (which is normal based on Loki and Darcy, not most standards) until Karofsky kisses Kurt. While Darcy is thoroughly furious and curses more than usual at the television, Loki is confused.

"If this mortal hates Kurt, why in the world would he kiss him?"

"Well," she said, still fuming a bit. More Darren Criss was needed to settle this. "He's a jock, who likes guys. Kurt likes guys, but isn't a jock and is very open about it. Karofsky," she practically spit his name, he noticed, "is not open. If he were openly gay, people would make fun of him and put him down like he does Kurt. He's mad because Kurt has _courage _and is strong enough to believe and be who he is no matter what others think."

"You mortals are so ignorant. Two men is no different that two women, and that's no different than a man and a woman. Had I ruled you..."

"Yeah, yeah," she cut him off as the show began again. "It would've rocked and everybody would be happy. I've heard it all before."

He made a noise of distaste but watched the episode. They briefly agreed on their love (a loose term, in Loki's case) of the Kurt character. He was witty, which the ex-demi-god rather enjoyed. After that, it was relatively quiet until the scene with Kurt and Blaine approaching Dave begins. Darcy is practically on the edge of the couch. They're sitting rather close, but she doesn't notice. When Kurt confesses that he's so bothered because it was the only kiss that really counts and Blaine offers to take him to lunch, Darcy _awww_'s for two minutes straight.

"I don't understand why Kurt was so upset. Kisses are nothing in this world. If I'm correct, they are a means to an end. Most people desire sex."

Darcy sighed. "That's true, but kisses are the doorway to many more things. They're the center of romance. Kissing in the rain, under the mistletoe, in front of a crowd... Every girl, and gay guy I guess, dreams of the perfect first kiss."

"But its just one kiss. That shouldn't matter at all. Never being kissed is an easy thing to remedy."

"You don't get it. Kissing is romance, not sex. And romance is hard for a gir... er, person interested in men, to come by nowadays. Guys suck."

He frowned. "I generally thought women would..."

"Alright! No, that's not what I meant." A flush covered what he could see of her collar and neck, creeping up her face. That tank top did not leave much to the imagination. "Kissing should be romantic and lovely, not rushed and forced. I've never had a kiss I would count as my first one, because they sucked."

An awkward silence fell over them, and Darcy looked any but at (_attractive, intelligent, charming, her-brain-won't-shut-the-hell-up-about-how-perfect-he-is_) Loki. "Do not expect me to remedy that, mortal."

She looked abashed, but countered with, "Who the hell said I would want to kiss you, anyways?"

He gave her a sideways glance that she attempted not to blush at. They continued watching _Glee_ in silence. After a few minutes, she picked up her chatter again. She approves of the compromise between Artie and Puck (Loki had snorted at the name), as well as the apology performance for Beiste. After the episode, she chats to Loki (or the air around him) about her favorite parts.

"Anyway, thanks for letting me jack your TV for a while. _Glee_ is just too good to miss. And that's definitely my favorite episode right now... Yeah." She stood up to leave, stretching a bit. Not moving from the couch for an entire episode of Glee can make a girl tense.

He did not notice how the shorts left her long, shapely, pale legs exposed. Or how the tank top clung to her torso nicely. No, not at all.

"Again, thanks." She paused for a moment, looking at him oddly. Then, very decisively and with a devilish grin, Darcy leaned down and kissed Loki on the cheek. It was a soft, lingering kiss and he had never had one like it. As quickly as she had started it, she was straightening and walking out the door. He had caught the definite flush on her face just before she turned around.

Loki smirked. Perhaps Darcy Lewis was not so bad.

For a mortal.

**Author's Notes:**

**1** I have absolutely no idea where this came from. I was watching this episode of _Glee _(because my friend was and I had never seen _Glee_ before, but I love Darren Criss. It was wonderful and I'm a superfan of Klaine by now) and this exploded from it.

**2** AVPM, also A Very Potter Musical, in which Darren Criss sang and acted as Harry Potter.

**3** I wrote this while listening to Darren Criss's _Teenage Dream_ performance many times.

**4** Loki and Darcy are great together. I needed something with them. Really. So here it is. Review, is you please.

**5 **I updated this chapter with an editted version the same day I added the second part.


	2. Original Song

Due to the serious not-caring skills that Darcy Lewis possesses, she did not freak out about kissing the dude that tried to take over the world a year ago on the cheek. Until she got back to her own apartment, that is. Which totally counted for something.

Alright, so, she'd kissed him. On the cheek. No big deal. That happened all the time in movies and public, and in music videos, books, and TV shows. So it isn't like she should be freaking out this badly. Calm, even breaths, she reminded herself. Loki didn't flip out, call her a disgusting mortal, and shun her from his presence. Although, she hadn't really given him time to react... And he did something similar to that when she forgot his latte once. So, his reaction would either be worse than the forgotten latte incident, or better than when she brought up his stint as a girl.

She so wasn't looking forward to seeing him in the morning.

But, after she had finally fallen asleep, her alarm clock woke her up bright and early for the dreaded morning. She refused to let herself fret (_Dear God, it's not like I'm Jane. I don't worry about_ anything.) throughout her morning routine and as she knocked on Loki's door.

Oddly enough, nothing was different. He greeted her in a slightly cold manner, as always, and demanded a trip to the library after breakfast. After blinking at him stupidly for a minute, she rolled her eyes and nodded. Loki was witty and cold towards her, with the random moment of genuine interest in something she said. It was completely normal.

It continued like this for three days, until Darcy was rambling to him about music, and she reminded herself (since Loki didn't exactly listen anyway) that she still needed to get the latest _Glee _album on her iPod. "I just bought the Adele album with _Chasing Pavements_. When that song first came I out, I was like, _This chick's gonna go far_. No one listened, she comes back a few years afterwards and everyone loves her. I settle back, and I'm like, _I am a fucking genius_. That also reminds me that I need to get the last Coldplay, and maybe that Sixpence None the Richer album I was looking at... I dunno if I'll actually buy that one though. What other albums did I see? Hmmm... Oh yeah! There was the UK-released _Glee: The Music: The Best of Season One _that I totally want!"

Loki's head snapped up from his book and he mentioned that he was unable to find the show on television after that night.

Fighting the flush that was creeping up her neck, Darcy rolled her eyes. She did that a lot around him. And Jane. "Well, duh. It only comes on once a week."

They fell into a discussion of when it came on, and why it only aired a new episode a week. Loki was moderately impressed (which means he scoffed at, but did not insult) the marketing strategies used to keep people watching.

"Well," Loki said when they resumed discussing the up-coming episode, "will you be there to dictate my television and show me what channel it appears on?"

For a second, Darcy didn't understand what he meant. Then it dawned on her that he was practically asking her to watch it with him. In a very Loki-like manner, of course, because he was a confusing alien dude who never said what he meant. She had figured that much out about him, at least. So, she scoffed in return and said, "Of course. My TV's still showing blotches of black and white. I can't miss _Glee_."

**OoOoO**

A few days later, she returned to Loki's apartment to watch the new episode. They fell into a pattern: irritate, snark at, and be an ass to one another ninety-five percent of the time. That hour that they were sucked into the world of McKinley High and, now, Dalton Academy, was spent with far less teasing and quips. Darcy would cry, rant, laugh, and use other various actions to express her emotions with the episode. Loki would observe his "caretaker" as well as the episode. Her feelings were always clearly written across her face. If he remembered correctly, one of the novels he read had a similar character who always had her "heart on her sleeve." It was an odd expression, but every time she gasped or giggled at the show, he understood it a little better.

It's not as though she counted, but on the ninth week of spending an hour watching _Glee _with Loki, everything changed. Well, it could be the tenth. But she didn't count the first time.

No, it wasn't just because _Klaine became canon _(which she totally fangirled at, causing Loki to move away from her jumping and squealing).

It started out pretty much like the other nights. She'd show up in her pajamas, barge in his apartment without waiting for an answer, grab a soda, and snuggle with a throw pillow until the show started. Loki sat at the end of the couch, as always, and she took her usual spot in the middle. Also as usual, Darcy paid much more attention to anything relating to Kurt, Blaine, or "Klaine" than the rest of the plot lines. She swooned when Blaine sang _Misery_.

"Do you see this perfect example of man?" She flung her arm towards the television and sighed dreamily. "And he is perfect. Being all 1940s movie star dapper and singing Maroon 5? God, Kurt is one lucky boy."

Loki frowned and shifted against the arm of the couch.

As Kurt told Blaine that he found Blaine's constant spotlight to be displeasing, she was on the edge of her seat muttering about how "they better not mess this up, or I'll have to use my taser."

At this, Loki snorted.

She cried when Kurt began singing Blackbird, all the while blubbering about how much she loved _The Beatles_, too.

Her companion shifted uncomfortably, ending with him being a bit closer than before.

Darcy spent the entire commercial break cheering after witnessing Blaine wanting to have a duet with Kurt.

When he saw her cheer, his frown disappeared and the barest hint of a smile made its way to his mouth. She was such an amusing girl.

Then, Blaine approaches Kurt and gives a "_heartwrenchingly glorious_" speech about finding him. Darcy squeals when Blaine kissed Kurt, throwing her pillow across the room. Without realizing it, she throws her arms around Loki and continues to happily blubber about the scene.

"I mean, after Kurt's terrible first kiss, this was just perfect! Blaine is such a gentleman and so awesome. He totally should have jumped Kurt's bones six episodes ago, but that was pretty great. Gah, it was adorable! Especially since Kurt is a romantic. Kisses are supposed to define a romance." She continued to babble for a few more moments. It took her until after Kurt's innuendo to grasp that she has nearly squeezed the life out of Loki and hasn't let go.

Gasping, she threw herself sideways, and nearly toppled off the couch. Her face and neck are flushed a deep, solid red. "S-sorry."

He gave her an amused look and they continued with the television. An awkward silence kept them Darcy from glancing at him like she wanted to. It took a minute, but she let herself get lost in the episode again. By the time Blaine confirmed that he and Kurt had, indeed, won, she was in full fangirl mode.

The episode ended and she stood to leave. Darcy called out her usual goodbye. She made her way through the living room and the kitchen and into the hall. When she reached the door, a hand on her shoulder stopped her. Instantly, her hand flew to her hip when she normally kept her handy-dandy taser. It wasn't there; of course not. She wasn't working or trekking the quiet streets. She had been watching _Glee_.

Darcy's back hit the door and she gasped loudly. Her eyes were quick enough to take in a grinning Loki with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Before she could say anything, _do _anything, a pair of warm lips brushed over hers.

Loki kissed her with firm, smirking lips for a moment. When Darcy finally (although she'll always swear it was long before) gathered her thoughts, her lips molded against his in return and she slipped her arms around his neck. His smirk faded so that he could kiss her properly as he pressed closer to her, their chests nearly touching. For just a few moments, only their fused lips existed. And Darcy was totally fine with that.

Just as she thought,_ Good God, this god can kiss_, and resisted the urge to giggle at that, he pulled away. His eyes weren't glinting playfully any longer. They were more deeply colored and staring at her with nothing short of satisfaction, and a small bit of wonder. His lips, which he apparently knew how to use for far more than expressing his emotions, curled into a smirk. Keeping his hands on either side of her face, he leaned down to whisper in her ear.

"This probably would have been more romantic if I could have walked you to your door. That's what all the males in the movies do, anyway."

And, hot damn, Darcy nearly fainted.

**Author's Notes:**

**1** Ah, the long-awaited second piece to_ Never Been Kissed_. I do hope it lives up to your standards.  
**2** I went ahead and named it after the_ Glee_ episode that Loki and Darcy watch, in which Klaine goes canon.  
**3** This was difficult to write, mainly because I never planned on adding onto the original piece. So, keep that in mind when you debate the little button beneath my words.  
**4 ** Great thanks also goes to my sometimes-Beta, _Novelist N Training_, because this probably would have sit in my _Independents and Ideas_ folder much longer without her reassurance on its quality.


End file.
